On Sunday, I celebrated Mother's Day for the first time as a mother myself. Let me just tell you that I felt like a million bucks. Not because of anything anyone did to celebrate my new role (though I did totally love being showered with encouragement & gratitude), but simply because I felt so in love.
I awoke with an utter peace and sense of belonging as I contemplated a whole day set aside in recognition of the role women have as mothers--the role I now have. The sun was shining, my baby was smiling, and my husband was glowing...
Since becoming pregnant, all the preparation and anticipation, then the arrival & survival, I haven't really been able to take time to really grasp the fact that I am now, and will forever be, a mother.
I remember several months ago being asked by my sage father-in-law: "What have you learned about yourself now that you're a mother?" I don't recall my response. I don't think I had any idea what to say. I was probably changing a diaper...
So, now that Mother's Day has passed and I have been thinking about what to write in this blog entry, I respond to this thought-provoking question. And I proclaim that as a new mom, I have learned alot about myself and much, much more!
- God is my helper. Period. There have been so many times where my emotions and energy have run thin, and I have been tempted to give up or to give in... But God has been there to whisper into my ear the encouragement and strategy I've needed. He has given me peace and creativity continually.
- I am a problem solver. I've discovered that the most exhausting part of being a new mom is the constant problem-solving! But I've also discovered that I'm pretty good at it ;) In addition to the Lord, the library has been a constant resource for me, as has my own intuitiveness.
- I enjoy housework. Crazy how the mundane has become my solace. When my little Lily goes down for her naps, I set to it! I am surprised to find such joy and relief in getting the laundry done, doing the dishes, picking up and tidying the house. Perhaps it's because these things have gone to the wayside for the earlier months that I now appreciate being able to do them...
- I enjoy being a working mom. In many ways, I had wondered what kind of a mom I'd be. Particularly, would I get stir crazy being home all the time, would I want to work? Or, would I love being home & hate to have to work? Well, I didn't really have a choice in the matter. We needed the second income. And as God would prepare it, a position opened up and was offered to me that allowed me to work part-time. Twice a week, I head to my office as my husband takes care of Lily. AND I LOVE IT! The job is great--working with international students keeps my eyes open and my mind sharp; it also really taps into my passions. And.... I really enjoy knowing that Lily & Alex get their one on one time.
- I love to shop. I crave garage sales & thrift shops! This is not something new necessarily for me, but boy has it re-emerged with a vengeance. I imagine I am like a drug addict who's just gone through rehab and then goes to a party. Bad, bad--very bad! It's just that baby stuff is so cheap & there is a plethora of it to find out there! Why buy brand new when you can find nearly new items for 50 cents?? It's the hunt that I enjoy most. Ay, the reins have been pulled as the closets & drawers are overflowing...
- I need a makeover, badly. So, Regis & Kelly are doing these new mom makeovers all this week and it makes me wanna cry. I try.....but, getting dolled up is work for me now. And after retaining & then losing a ton of hair, I now literally have a one-inch fringe of little hairs growing all around my hairline and they make it impossible to look cute. They curl up and stick out like tongues on 2 year olds! On top of it all, I don't buy clothing or accessories for myself much anymore, and what I do purchase has to meet the following criteria: comfortable, inexpensive, and adaptable (aka, solid & plain). OH, Reeg! Kelly! Pick me!
- My heart aches for the wounded, oppressed, lost and forgotten. Since I can remember, God has always urged me to remember other people as greater than myself. But I have to confess that I often push those thoughts aside. Now that I am a mother, God has given me an even bigger heart. And this heart of mine aches even more for those around the world who are hurting. I am changing from becoming one who is grateful for what she has, to one who is further breaking for those who don't.... Does that make sense? What I am trying to say is that I am becoming uncomfortable simply being content to be grateful. Rather, I am seeking to know how God might use me & my family to show His love to the hurting in a tangible way. It is a gracious God who allows the sun to rise again in spite of all that He's seen go on in a day...
And this is where I must end with my reflection. I recommend the following books: The Road to Lost Innocence by Somaly Mam and Love the One in Front of You; My Trip to Swaziland by Autumn Good-Turney.
This is part one of two entries. I aim to enter another more light-hearted blog where I can articulate the things I've learned about being a mom in general. As a sneak peek---one thing I will mention is the Bella Band and it's multi-functions :)
My sister has advanced from the world of novice knitting to spinning and dyeing her own fleece! Yep. She owns a spinning wheel made out of PVC and has bags of wool to spin-a-way. I cannot wait to see and feel one of these skeins! She taught me to knit socks on circulars, and (no suprise here:) I have set that aside. The needles are a size one (so tiny!) and it was taking quite some time to advance. I plan to come back to them at a later date. Baby socks would be perfect! I have to say I was pretty proud of myself for figuring it out and it definitely felt easier than knitting on double pointed needles. For more info, see Knitting Circles Around Socks by Antje Gillingham.
